Archive for the ‘Reviews’ Category

Rowdy Rathore: Cheapest Lobotomy Ever

Posted: June 9, 2012 by Pranoy Biswas in Humour, Reviews
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Spoiler alert: Aah, who are we kidding, you can’t spoil this  further.

Philosophical justification: Can poop get any smellier?

Note: I like to review movies in the Roger Ebert style, no not in the “spewing innocuous, but conspicuously humongous words to reveal my gargantuan intelligence sense” but in “revealing the whole plot in the review” sense. But then that only matters if you actually want to watch the movie.

Rowdy Rathore is a remake of the Telugu film Vikramarkudu. It stars Akshay Kumar in a double role as a petty thief in Shiva and tough cop in  Vikram Rathore, and Paresh Ganatra (of Delhi Belly fame) as Shiva’s sidekick 2G.

Shiva has an adverse inexplicable aversion towards kids so much that it starts to get a bit creepy. An event in the movie which would cause Thom Yorke’s patented Creep meter to go haywire involves a bunch of innocent kids who bug Akshay for monetary donations. Few moments later, the kids emerge, out of the blue, totally butt naked! Casting couches were one thing, but this pushes it to a whole new level, even for Akshay. To add a bit of what they think is class to the movie, it includes a number called “Chinta Ta Chita” which has ‘cameo appearances’ (n. Butt Licking) by several actors including the director. There is this hand-gesture which seems to be a trademark of Akshay’s in the movie, and has been under great scrutiny by Dr. Mahindra Watsa of the Mumbai Mirror as a new alternative way of masturbation.

True Story

Enter the heroine, Sonakshi Sinha as the curvy, new-in-town Paro from Patna. To save the director having to actually use his imagination in creating a romantic chemistry between the pair, instead, Shiva is shown to fall instantly in love with our heroine and her forehead. Our hero in a quest to lure his love interest, and a very desi ulterior motive of free food, stalks her and even gatecrashes a wedding she is attending. Charmed by the effort and vomit-worthy pickup lines of a random lunatic stalker, Paro confesses her love with, you guessed right, a song and dance routine. It’s movies like these which give such a boost to the burgeoning stalker-pervert (Visit Yahoo! chatrooms for confirmation) population in our country. Want to charm a girl you like? Stalk her everywhere, utter cheap one liners and cockily grab her waist, yeah that will lead to the girl falling (fore)head over heels in love with you according to this flick.

“My eyes are down here”

The movie keeps up the south-indian movie tradition of uttering the dialogues at a fast pace but the storyline lags in comparison. The second half of the movie finally gets a bit funny (That’s pity right there) but is filled with endless action scenes that take a toll on your (fore)head. The experience is kinda like the feeling you get after listening to death metal bands in a loop.

All the action culminates with one final showdown against the main henchman named Titla. Do we even need to crack a boobie joke? The strategy that our protagonist adopts is to constantly hit the burly henchman’s leg with his own to weaken his footing which is incidentally the same gameplan of Joey Barton.

If you are stuck in a situation like me, where you have to watch the movie because of your parents, relatives etc., the only way to enjoy it is to watch like a foreign critic. Just enjoy the colour of the songs, the stunning locations, which are quite magnificent by the way, and pop an aspirin to cure the headache that will follow the end of the movie.


If you’re in Mumbai and have an ear for good music, Blakc is probably one of those names you’ve heard a lot. They started their act in 2007 and have come a long way since, releasing their second album “Motheredland” which is no mean feat, given the relatively short time span. The album itself seems to be really polished, with big shots like Shantanu Hudilkar of Yash Raj, Keshav Dhar of the Skyharbour fame and Mastering Engineer Chris Athens who has worked with AC/DC and Coldplay, involved in its production.

Shady as the area surrounding Blue Frog may be, the ambiance inside more than compensates for your questionable judgment. Although it looks like the insides of a Star Trek spacecraft, The Frog exhibits reasonable sound and lighting. Sufficient care has been taken with respect to the acoustics and pristine sound hits you as soon as the first note is struck.

I’ve been to a few Blakc gigs before, and I’ve had the opportunity to see their sound evolve over time. An unexpected piano on the stage made me curious as to out how well would it fit into the Blakc sound. Their set began with a strong opening track in ‘Bitten‘, well worth the initial anticipation which smoothly flowed into ‘The Dreamcast’. You could notice the audience singing along with the vocalist, Shawn Pereira, which speaks a lot about the band’s fanbase. After all, the best thing a band would want to see is people humming their tunes.

Shawn’s ability to modulate his voice and hit the high notes has only gotten better with time. The stage was owned by him and bassist Roop Thomas, who managed to keep the audience engaged. The sound, driven by his slap and pop, funk-reminiscent basslines, the intertwining guitar riffs by Anish Menon and Reinhardt Dias, and the heavy hitting by drummer Shishir Thakur seemed very complete. Blakc brought some  beautiful women to perform the backing vocals and play the piano on some tracks. In addition to making Mumbai uncannily seem like Delhi for a second, due to the hoots and wolf-whistles, they did a fairly reasonable job.

Armed with his trademark Tweety brandishing bass, Roop’s has an impressive array of bass playing techniques up his sleeve. Reinhardt’s sweet sounding guitar tone and Anish’s smooth playing complemented each other very well, with both the guitarists taking turns to solo, almost as if they were competing with each other. The new album seemed to have a progressive angle to it, with a multitude of guitar effects all around. The grunge-like performance from the band, the high energy and cohesive sound of the differently influenced band members made up for a unique listening experience.

The sound eventually began to sound a bit too heavy to be labeled alternative, with the band seemingly abandoning the old-school verse-chorus scheme. Almost each track was adorned with both mellow and vigorous parts, as if they’re giving you time to recover before you get back on your toes. After flaunting their new material, they moved on to the staples from their 2009 album, “Choking on a Dream”, giving some of the old-timers a treat. The set included the headbang inducing ‘Rift‘ and the beautiful sounding toms on ‘Field of Thought‘, ‘Alone’ accompanied by hollow promises about how they’d be playing it for the last time. A different sounding ‘Sold‘ metamorphosed into ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit‘, a last hurrah to reward the folks who hung around till the end.

Apart from making balding men burn up in envy with their badass hair, Blakc are really upping the ante when it comes to live performances. People who complain that there are not enough reasonable gigs going around in Mumbai should really start looking harder. A Sunday night, well spent, the only pleasurable agony being my ears ringing with their sound.

Photo Credits: Parizad D

Written for The Score Magazine: