Rowdy Rathore: Cheapest Lobotomy Ever

Posted: June 9, 2012 by Pranoy Biswas in Humour, Reviews
Tags: , ,

Spoiler alert: Aah, who are we kidding, you can’t spoil this  further.

Philosophical justification: Can poop get any smellier?

Note: I like to review movies in the Roger Ebert style, no not in the “spewing innocuous, but conspicuously humongous words to reveal my gargantuan intelligence sense” but in “revealing the whole plot in the review” sense. But then that only matters if you actually want to watch the movie.

Rowdy Rathore is a remake of the Telugu film Vikramarkudu. It stars Akshay Kumar in a double role as a petty thief in Shiva and tough cop in  Vikram Rathore, and Paresh Ganatra (of Delhi Belly fame) as Shiva’s sidekick 2G.

Shiva has an adverse inexplicable aversion towards kids so much that it starts to get a bit creepy. An event in the movie which would cause Thom Yorke’s patented Creep meter to go haywire involves a bunch of innocent kids who bug Akshay for monetary donations. Few moments later, the kids emerge, out of the blue, totally butt naked! Casting couches were one thing, but this pushes it to a whole new level, even for Akshay. To add a bit of what they think is class to the movie, it includes a number called “Chinta Ta Chita” which has ‘cameo appearances’ (n. Butt Licking) by several actors including the director. There is this hand-gesture which seems to be a trademark of Akshay’s in the movie, and has been under great scrutiny by Dr. Mahindra Watsa of the Mumbai Mirror as a new alternative way of masturbation.

True Story

Enter the heroine, Sonakshi Sinha as the curvy, new-in-town Paro from Patna. To save the director having to actually use his imagination in creating a romantic chemistry between the pair, instead, Shiva is shown to fall instantly in love with our heroine and her forehead. Our hero in a quest to lure his love interest, and a very desi ulterior motive of free food, stalks her and even gatecrashes a wedding she is attending. Charmed by the effort and vomit-worthy pickup lines of a random lunatic stalker, Paro confesses her love with, you guessed right, a song and dance routine. It’s movies like these which give such a boost to the burgeoning stalker-pervert (Visit Yahoo! chatrooms for confirmation) population in our country. Want to charm a girl you like? Stalk her everywhere, utter cheap one liners and cockily grab her waist, yeah that will lead to the girl falling (fore)head over heels in love with you according to this flick.

“My eyes are down here”

The movie keeps up the south-indian movie tradition of uttering the dialogues at a fast pace but the storyline lags in comparison. The second half of the movie finally gets a bit funny (That’s pity right there) but is filled with endless action scenes that take a toll on your (fore)head. The experience is kinda like the feeling you get after listening to death metal bands in a loop.

All the action culminates with one final showdown against the main henchman named Titla. Do we even need to crack a boobie joke? The strategy that our protagonist adopts is to constantly hit the burly henchman’s leg with his own to weaken his footing which is incidentally the same gameplan of Joey Barton.

If you are stuck in a situation like me, where you have to watch the movie because of your parents, relatives etc., the only way to enjoy it is to watch like a foreign critic. Just enjoy the colour of the songs, the stunning locations, which are quite magnificent by the way, and pop an aspirin to cure the headache that will follow the end of the movie.

  1. Gervinhio Sonakshi comparision har har 😀

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